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Donald Trump and Pope Francis walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Welcome your Holiness, what an honor!" Then, the bartender welcomes the pope.

As Trump insults and bullies his way, unscathed, toward the nomination, Hillary is under federal investigation. The issue is Teflon-equality.

In order to keep his momentum going, Trump must increase his insult rate. Remaining groups to be smeared include butterfly collectors, Girl Scouts, and nuns.

If President Obama nominates a republican to the Supreme Court, Mitch McConnell says, no way. If Obama nominated Jesus Christ, Mitch would say there are three Jews on the Court already.

Bulletin: Chris Christie endorses Trump. We're going to need a bigger clown car.
An update from DC -- District of Conspiracies: President Obama had Justice Scalia murdered.

This bile comes from the same flat-earth vermin who believe that John Wilkes Booth had an affair with Eleanor Roosevelt.

It's an American tradition. Whenever a celebrity dies, lift up a rock and you will find a radio talk show host holding a smoking conspiracy.

Then you have liberal conspiracy theorists who question Scalia's heart attack, saying he had no heart.
God called Justice Scalia home while Obama was still in office. If this doesn't prove that God is a liberal, I don't know what does. 

Ironic how Scalia's fellow republican constitutional originalists want to rewrite the Constitution: "When a justice dies, his successor must be nominated no sooner than a year later by a Republican president."

If Hillary is elected, whom would she want on the Court? Hint: it would get Bill out of the house.

What will historians call this mess -- "Scaliagate"? "Obama's Revenge"? How about "McConnell's Hives"?
The people of New Hampshire have spoken. And they said, "get off my lawn."

The winners -- Trump and Sanders. Which shows what happens when you give the vote to 18-year-olds.

There they were -- some wearing shorts in New Hampshire in February while believing that they won't have to pay tuition next semester. And thanks to Bernie, snake oil is free.

Twenty-something's voting for a 74-year-old. A classic example of Common Core math.

Trump's promise to make America great again should resonate in South Carolina which was never that great to begin with. 


Barbara Bush to the rescue! Going to New Hampshire to bring her boy home.

Prediction: Evangelical Christians would support Bernie Sanders if they realized that their lord and savior was a socialist.

Marco Rubio, an ethnic, one-term senator. Gee, we've never tried that before.

Congrats to Ted Cruz, the first Canadian-born candidate to win the Iowa Caucus. Ted has dual citizenship -- Canada and Pluto.

Marco Rubio made a stirring victory speech. An aide said, "when he's finished, somebody tell him he came in third."

Funny, I always thought of Trump as number two. In his speech he took the high road, a place he had never been before.

O'Malley and Santorum each wound up at one percent, thereby splitting the black vote in Iowa.

Jeb Bush encountered a nasty heckler who shouted, "get out of the race, you're finished." And Jeb said, "please, Mother, sit down."


Imagine the Iowa debate without Trump. Chris Christie becomes the lone gasbag. 

Jeb Bush's unleashed swagger will frighten his parents. 

John Kasich will finally get attention without him being naked. 

Ted Cruz will not have to wait his turn to spread bile.

 Fox News will have a yard sale.
BI'll Cosby and Donald Trump go into a bar where they find Sarah Palin.  Cosby gives Sarah a drink. When Sarah wakes up she endorses Trump.

Greetings all you rock and rollers and holy rollers and hands that rock the cradle!

These are words taken from Sarah Palin's speech endorsing Donald Trump -- a marriage made in Comedy Heaven.

This is Lady Macbeth endorsing Caligula.

And here is a true quote from a member of the British parliament: Mr. Trump is a dung-flinging monkey.

And it's still only January.
There should be no place in the 2016 campaign for the long ago scandals and bad behavior surrounding a presidential candidate. The American people are sick and tired of hearing about Chris Christie's sex life.

Exactly what sort of bomb North Korea exploded is in dispute. It was either a hydrogen bomb, an atomic bomb or they shot Kim Jung Munchkin out of a cannon.

Ted Cruz's excuse that he gave up his Canadian citizenship is not enough. He must pledge to put up a wall on the border and make the Canadians pay for it.

Mexican drug lord, "El Chapo" was apprehended last week and who knows? He might even still be in custody. His other alias is "El Escapo".
An exact science: Every time President Obama makes a public statement decrying gun violence, the opposition from Republicans is exactly the same as before and gun sales rise. Groundhog Day is a month early this year.

Gun deaths in the US remain higher than in any other developed country. Which makes you wonder if we are a developed country.

Trump joined the firing squad and took a day off from Bill Clinton's sex life: making America great again by trotting out Monica Lewinsky.

Meanwhile, out in Oregon, the armed crackpots continue to defend a wildlife refuge from an attack by chipmunks.