"Mr. Sessions, did you or any members of the Trump Administration have any communication with the Russians?"
"Absolutely, nyet!"

Conservatives who hate government should take heart -- there is none. The art of governance is replaced by an ongoing series of investigations, probes, suspicions and assorted rat-fornications, to use the intellectual term.

We don't know for certain if President Trump's wires were tapped, but we can conclude that a few of his marbles have turned up missing.

Attention! The coup is coming! Perhaps the Ides of March! (signed) "The Deep State" aka the Republican Party.

In the revised travel ban, transgender Muslims will be given a list of seven countries where they may go to the bathroom.

Seeking to find the leakers in the White House, press secretary Sean Spicer has yet to rule out himself.

Chief of Staff, Rice Crispies to the Federal Bureau of Investigation: "Do your job and stop investigating."

At the CPAC conference, Stephen K Bannon, excuse me, Stephen KKK Bannon, received a standing ovation when he bit off the head of his live chicken.

Mitch McConnell muzzles Elizabeth Warren for impugning the character of fellow senator, Jeff Sessions, but Warren persisted. That was one defective muzzle.

Warren was in violation of Senate Rule 19: "Thou shalt not read a letter from Coretta Scott King." Not to be confused with Rule 20: "Thou shalt not read letters from Mrs. Medgar Evers or Mrs. Malcolm X."

Appellate court rules against Trump ban on travel from 7 Muslim countries that have Nordstrom outlets.

Kellyanne Conway appears on "Fox & Friends" sporting her fresh "Buy Ivanka" tattoo.

Betsy DeVos confirmed as Secretary of Education and announces plan to put inkwells in all the public schools.

Before Japanese Prime Minister Abe and President Trump play golf, Steve Bannon whispers to Abe: "Let him win if you want to see Hiroshima again."

Thus ended Week Three.

Atlanta falls. Again. General Sherman lives.

The groundhog saw his shadow. Six more weeks till World War III.

At the prayer breakfast from hell, Trump called for tearing down the wall between church and state. And the atheists are going to pay for it.

He then gave a shout out to his pal, Frederick Douglass, insulted the Jews and banned the singing of the Australian song, "Waltzing Matilda".

Thus ended Week Two.

WTF

As I watch the news, is it real, is it fake?
Are these alternate facts, is truth taking a break?
I say under my breath: "WTF?"
Were the numbers all rigged, what's the size of the crowd?
Bring the waterboard back, I hear it's allowed.
Any honesty left? As I said, "WTF?"

What's this planet we're on, is it still Mother Earth?
This may not be the universe of my birth.
Where the only reality is disbelief
Courtesy of our Tweeter-In-Chief.

He signs his own laws, a dictatorial task
As his daughter applauds. Is it legal? Don't ask.
There'll be no health care left. "WTF?"
Welcome back home, you would stay if you could.
Sorry to say your green card is no good.
Airports running amok, as i said, "What the F---?"

This week's alternate facts: The Senate Subcommittee on the Size of the Inaugural Crowd will subpoena all 34 million people who attended the Inauguration.

The ghost of Martin Luther King removed his own bust from the Oval Office and returned it a few hours later.

President Trump went to CIA headquarters to tell the employees they were no longer Nazis.

Twinkle, Twinkle little czar
Putin made you what you are.
He hacked away at Hillary
Attacking our democracy.
Welcome to the puppet show
President Pinocchio.

Ringling Brothers may be shutting down but a bigger circus with more clowns opens on Friday.

The new ringmaster will use his bull hook on the GOP elephants to make them perform the cruel stunt of simultaneously repealing and replacing Obamacare while standing on two legs.

The downside of circus life is cleaning up after the elephants.

I don't know how the Supreme Court will rule in the case regarding an Asian-member band called the Slants. Is there an occidental band called the Rounds?

The Patent and Trademark office has in fact, registered the bands White Trash, Whores from Hell, Hookers & Blow, the Pricks and the Lawrence Welk Orchestra.

Senator Sessions, do you believe that grabbing a woman's genitals constitutes sexual assault? Well, prior to my nomination for attorney general, no. But now that I am the nominee, absolutely.

Trump wants the Republicans to repeal and replace Obamacare almost simultaneously. How can they do that? Repeal Obamacare simply by rebranding it, Trumpcare. Replace Obamacare the same way. Obamacare is history and everybody wins.

Watch for a furious and vindictive president-elect hitting back at CNN: "Wolf Blitzer. Mud Wresting. Naked. Situation Room? Just saying."

At this point we can only speculate on what sort of dirt the Russians have on Trump. It couldn't be anymore than what we Americans have on him.

In fact, Trump was so disgraced, we elected him president.

Let's say it comes out that Trump has a Russian mistress. He would still have time to marry her by January 20.

By the way, if Meryl Streep went on "Saturday Night Live" and recited a passage from the musical "Hamilton", Trump could hit three targets with one tweet -- giving him more time to govern.