An E-Christmas

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Children texting by the tree.

Yuletide carols on iTunes in my ear
Heard by no one else but me.

Checking email by the mistletoe.

Wrapping presents sure to please.
High tech toys, all the best from Japan
That don't include the batteries.

And here comes Santa on the run.
Driving his eight potential flying venison.
His workshop's stock is rated high
Since it bought out Target and Best Buy.

Everyone at their computers now
Onto their screens the family delves.
The silence dense -- conversations commence
With everyone but themselves.

Ah for the days of yore when Russia had its sympathizers hidden inside the State Department.

As opposed to today, when Putin might show up as a character witness for Comrade Rex Tillerson.

Trump now says Paul Ryan “is like a fine wine”. Not that long ago, Ryan was Thunderbird.

Good news: With driverless cars, people now have the freedom to text and pray at the same time.
General "Mad Dog" Mattis for Secretary of Defense. When I heard Mad Dog, I thought they had nominated Elizabeth Warren.

Ben Carson for HUD -- Head Unqualified Doctor.

Between the alt-right, Breitbart space cadets and insane rumors of child sex slaves, this city could use an exorcist.

January 20: Kim Jong Trump is sworn in on a copy of "The Art of The Deal" to be followed by his Inaugural Tweet.
New Trump hat slogan: "Make Goldman Sachs Great Again." 

Donald's initials are JFK -- Jobs for Kinfolk.

Patraeus for Secretary of State? Why not? Careless mishandling of classified material is practically a requirement of the job.

Mitt Romney and Trump dined together at Trump Tower. They had a quiet table in the groveling section.

Locking the empty barn door, House Democrats have formed the Blue Collar Caucus. Let's wish them a happy 2016.

Conflict of interest -- that's when President Trump asks his children: How's business?
President-elect-OMG! Trump's cabinet is shaping up nicely with Rice Crispy as Chief of Staff and Steve Bannon as Secretary of White Supremacy.

On the short list for Secretary of Venom is, of course, Rudy Giuliani.

When asked by Leslie Stahl if he would build a wall, Trump suggested that he might take up fencing.

In light of Trump's pledge to drain the swamp, Senator Chuck Schumer's new title will be: Protector of the Swamp.

Watch out for changes in the outmoded Ten Commandments. "Thou shalt not commit adultery" will be replaced with "Thou shalt not take your server home." (A far more serious sin.)
There will be much discussion about how Donald Trump tapped into something. So did Lincoln, but he never grabbed Mary Todd's pussy.

Sorry, that was crude, but I'm just trying to blend with the New America.

On the bright side, I believe president-elect Trump -- and I can't believe I'm writing these words -- will bring our country together. White Christians will join hands with white evangelicals and white Islamaphobes will be goose-stepping with anti-semite gun nuts.

Yes, the polls were wrong. Which is why FBI director Comey should start investigating the pollsters emails immediately.
The Constitution is perfectly clear: "When the husband of a presidential candidate's staff member sends sex messages to a 15-year-old girl, the candidate must lose the election because her Republican opponent has such respect for women, he would never do such a deplorable thing."

Donald J Trump not only can't take a joke, he can't tell a joke.

There he was -- at a Catholic Charity banquet, an evening noted for light-hearted humor and jocularity and Donald's big one liner? "Hillary hates Catholics."

Whereupon, clerical catcalls and ecumenical booing ensued. He might as well have charged that the election of Pope Francis was rigged.

"You have reached Clinton campaign headquarters. If you wish to contribute to the Clinton campaign, press one. If you wish to contribute to the Clinton Foundation, press one."

The Clinton campaign, transparent and open 
Has nothing to hid
And when she wins, the Clinton Foundation
Will stop taking any more bribes.

Dueling bimbo eruptions. Is today a Donald bimbo eruption day or a Bill Clinton bimbo eruption day?

If it's Tuesday, it must be Paula Jones.

Anyone raising little boys will recognize the counter charges: "He started it."

Rip Van Winkle wakes up from a twenty year nap. He turns on the TV and sees Paula Jones and Kathleen Willey. Thinking he has slept only two hours, Rip goes back to sleep.

I miss the Cold War when the Democrats were called Russian sympathizers. Today, it's the Republican presidential candidate with campaign headquarters in the Kremlin.
Round Two: Trump parades a bevy of Bill Clinton's old flames into the hall, as Bob Dole says, “why didn’t I think of that back in ’96?”

The difference is that Bob Dole is a decent human being.

Those nasty videos suggest that when Donald was a boy scout he got a merit badge in Advanced Groping.

They suggest that in a President Trump’s cabinet there just might be room for Bill Cosby.

REVISED OLD JOKE ALERT! Trump takes his dog to the veterinarian. The vet says, “Do you want to have him neutered?” and the dog says, “Yes.”