Sorry, everyone, I've been traveling.  Beginning again next week we'll be adding lines at least two times a week.   Hope you'll check back and until next week, here's part 1 of a catch up of the news:

10/28:  Population experts inform us that the 7 billionth person in the world will be born any day now.  The race is on.  Will the parents win some kind of lottery?  Can Mother Earth support 7 billion people?  Stupid question.  Mother Earth can't even afford bus fare to get to her three jobs.

10/31:  I loved the Herman Cain commercial in which the narrator blows cigarette smoke into the camera.  How brave of Cain to recognize that smokers are voters too -- although you may not want to follow them into the voting booth.  As the ad went viral, it was the puff blown 'round the world. 

11/1:  What a scene -- Herman Cain singing a church hymn at a Washington press conference.  The singing candidate, fighting allegations of sexual harassment, while looking like he was plugging an album.  Note:  The singing of hymns at the National Press Club is forbidden on the grounds that its members are way beyond redemption.

11/4:  In the middle of a global financial crisis, the G-20 Conference met in hedonistic Cannes, France where the spoiled champagne-for-breakfast crowd frolics on the nude beaches.  And those are just the bankers.  When Europe offered a plan to save Greece from total disaster, Greece said, "We'll think about it."  I suppose the Greeks could do much worse -- like turning the problem over to a super committee.

11/7:  The 2012 election is about hope and change.  Republicans hope that the unemployment rate will not change.

11/9:  Those Founding Fathers sure were short-sighted.  When they wrote the Constitution they left out whether a GPS device was permitted under the Fourth Amendment.  The Supreme Court is pondering whether a concealed tracking device constitutes illegal search and seizure.  Earth to Court:  privacy flew the coop years ago.  And Justice Alito -- I see that your lawn needs mowing.


Moammar Gadhafi, Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein go into a bar and the bartender says, "we don't serve deceased dictators." Shame on the Libyans for killing Gadhafi without a trial. They should have followed America's example with Osama bin Laden when we -- oh never mind It was a moving sight as the mourners flocked for photo-ops with Gadhafi's corpse resting in a ceremonial pickup truck before lying in state in a flag-draped meat locker Gadhafi's death is the latest development in the so-called Arab Spring. An Arab despot is deposed and the world waits to see if another one springs up

Dear Wall Street demonstrators:   It doesn't help your cause when your message seems to be:  I'm mad as hell and how do you like my pink wig?"

Let the great protests of the past be your inspiration.  Bonus marchers of the '30s, striking autoworkers and striking coal miners did not look like frolicking Halloween trick-or-treaters.

And lose the Hula Hoops.  You are making outrage look like too much fun.

I know it is street theater and all that.  But yours is too much "Hair" and not enough "Les Miserables."

Dear NYPD:  Try and avoid becoming the Chicago cops of 1968 -- tempting as it may be.


The n-word has never appeared in this space, nor will it today.  So let's suppose that the word engraved on a rock at Rick Perry's hunting lodge was "Honkyhead".

"Honkyhead" joins the growing list of items in Perry's baggage, along with "Social Security Ponzi scheme," "lethal injection boasting," "tongue-tied speaking," and "Mexico invading".

Perry says the "Honkyhead" rock had been painted over.  I believe the term is whitewashed.

Why didn't Nixon burn the tapes?  Why didn't Perry destroy the rock?  The torch is passed.

Fans of Chris Christie should rebut the cruel ridiculing of the governor.  How?  Simply by saying -- "to you, he's fat.  To us, he's too big to fail."

Christie's record as governor seems too liberal for far-right Republicans.  Perhaps he could earn their applause if he executed several hundred prisoners.

Oh, happy day!  The federal government was not only funded through this past weekend, but all the way to November 18!  After that, funding of the government will be implemented along the lines of Alcoholics Anonymous:  One day at a time.


Dare we dream of this headline?  "Female NASCAR racing comes to Saudi Arabia!"

Too much of a stretch?  How about "First Saudi woman to get driver's license divorces her husband saying, "Who needs him?"

The sad fact is that Saudi women have been granted to vote, but they are still driven.

That's right, Saudi women will have to walk to the polling places unless a man drives them.   That country is more than ready for "Mad Men".


Rick Perry will undergo elective surgery to attach his disjointed nouns and verbs.

Looking at Perry's goofy sentences in Florida recently, one may conclude that the governor is anti-semantic.

Why did Nancy Reagan invite New Jersey Governor Chris Christie to speak at the Reagan Library?  The only reason I can think of was to make Nancy an honorary Jersey girl.

This is part of Christie's Big Denial Tour -- visiting four states to announce that he is not running:  "Ya, gotta problem widdat?"


It has been several days since the military policy "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" expired and things are going smoothly.   Not one four-start general has complained about his bunkmate.

Every morning during reveille, the buglers now play show tunes.

Hollywood is considering a remake of the movie "Patton" with Paula Poundstone in the title role.

The repeal is an Obama campaign promise kept.  Now, on to easier stuff, like changing the way Washington works.


I like the newly assertive President Obama as he draws a line in the fog.

Boehner:  "It's my way or the highway."

Obama:  "It's my way or my way."

Obama:  "Let the Bush tax cuts expire."

Boehner:  "Let the Obama presidency expire."

The Republicans call President Obama's proposals class warfare.  Hey, what's one more war when we are getting so used to it?

The poster child for President Obama's tax increase, Warren Buffett's secretary pays a higher tax rate than her multibillion-dollar boss.  I wonder how she feels about being mentioned in the media more often than Lindsay Lohan.

"Warren Buffett's secretary," is now the official mantra of the Democrats who seem to be likening her situation to sweatshop labor.

We don't know Warren Buffett's secretary's name, so I'll just call her WBS.  The IRS headquarters in Washington should be renamed the WBS Building.

And WBS should at least get a pay raise.