Thanks to President Obama, gays haven't been this thrilled since Liza Minelli's last comeback.

Criticizing marriage equality, Romney should avoid the subject of marriage altogether considering that his LDS great-grandfather was into multiple choice.

Obama had been "evolving" on same sex marriage for years.  The republicans still don't believe in evolution.

This will be the only issue in the  remaining presidential race because it is the only issue everybody understands -- even the boobs who think that Florida is on the Pacific Ocean.

During Obama's recent trip to Afghanistan, he and Hamid Karzai sat down and signed an agreement to continue being clueless about Afghanistan's future.

France's Sarkozy was defeated when the voters could no longer ignore the fact that he is less than half as tall as Charles de Gaulle.

Arizona's governor, Jan Brewer, signs the defunding of Planned Parenthood in her state.  She will be awarded the Good Conduct Medal in the War on Women.

One of Romney's strongest bragging points is that he saved the Salt Lake City Olympics ten years ago. This accomplishment would make a strong impression on the voters were he running for mayor of Salt Lake City.  

Victoria's Secret March

For a federal job you can't refuse

That offers travel, sex and booze

You gotta choose -- the Secret Service.

From Salvador to Timbuktu 

A brothel's waiting there for you

With a discount to -- the Secret Service.

Before we hit the town each night

The Agent's Manual says

We must draw straws and the shortest drawn

Have to go protect the Prez.

And it cannot be denied

It's our Secret Service pride.

We get serviced far and wide

And that's no secret.






Let me just cut to the quick.  In November the voters may pick a man we are told is brave and bold.  Now we learn that he has a big stick.

Joe Biden, tha Delaware Mick.  Makes a fool of himself with his shtick.

Lest a word be abused, let us not be confused, with Nixon, AKA Tricky Dick.

Sign in Tiffany's window:  "Welcome back Newt and Callista."

I can understand Mitt Romney's delay in releasing his tax return.  Sometimes wealthy people have  trouble counting their money when they forget where some of it is hidden.

I have no problem with anyone who becomes wealthy prior to holding public office.  It's the morphing from rags to riches while in office that bears watching.

To cut expenses we should merge the Secret Service with the General Services Administration so that the next time the GSA folks do "Hangover III", it will be kept secret.

Of course, short changing a Columbian hooker is not something that remains a secret very long.

Sure, I am retired.  But with Santorum out of the race, my show would be shorter anyway.

Romney:  "My pal, Rick, and I exchanged thoughts about going forward and he no longer believes that I am the worst Republican since Nixon and Harding combined."

I'd like to see Santorum be Romney's running mate, combining the Mormon and Catholic cultures with Pope Benedict celebrating a special on Brigham Young's birthday.

Hey, Democrats -- stop picking on Ann Romnney.    Do you really want to anger millionaire stay-at--home moms picketing the White House?  (Actually, they would send their nannies.)

When Bill Clinton was president Secret Service agents never went to a brothel -- except in the line of duty.

If Romney kills Obamacare, wouldn't that be infanticide?

As the Trayvon Martin case becomes political, notice that not one person who demanded to see Obama's birth certificate is demanding to see George Zimmerman's broken nose.

Republican unity will come about when Gingrich and Santorum's Romney-bashing magically vanishes and becomes the next Etch-a-Sketch joke.

Until then, Santorum will plod on.  His schedule includes cutting the ribbon at a Planned Parenthood closing.

Advice to Mitt:  Just relax and be one of your selves.

Newt is fading.  His bullhorn is now all bull and no horn.

It was obvious that Roberts, Alito and Scalia agreed with the opponents of Obamacare -- as did Silent Clarence Thomas who blinked in agreement.

Beware of swing Justice Anthony Kennedy who has been known to drive with his left signal on and then turn right.

Putin proposes a new Russian National Anthem:  "The Way We Were".

If Bonnie and Clyde had been pursued by the Sanford, Florida Police Department, the couple would have died of old age.

John Wilkes Booth would have spent his last days in a retirement home in Boca Raton.

Lee Harvey Oswald would have wound up tending bar in Argentina.

If Aleve worked as fast as the Sanford, Florida Police Department half the country would be calling in sick with a migraine.


New Orleans devastated by Saints coach suspension.  FEMA rescue underway.  

Romney's integrity disappears on Etch-a-Sketch. 

Jeb Bush's to do list:  take suit to cleaners, get a haircut, buy dental floss, endorse Romney ...