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Let me just cut to the quick.  In November the voters may pick a man we are told is brave and bold.  Now we learn that he has a big stick.

Joe Biden, tha Delaware Mick.  Makes a fool of himself with his shtick.

Lest a word be abused, let us not be confused, with Nixon, AKA Tricky Dick.

Sign in Tiffany's window:  "Welcome back Newt and Callista."


I can understand Mitt Romney's delay in releasing his tax return.  Sometimes wealthy people have  trouble counting their money when they forget where some of it is hidden.

I have no problem with anyone who becomes wealthy prior to holding public office.  It's the morphing from rags to riches while in office that bears watching.

To cut expenses we should merge the Secret Service with the General Services Administration so that the next time the GSA folks do "Hangover III", it will be kept secret.

Of course, short changing a Columbian hooker is not something that remains a secret very long.

Sure, I am retired.  But with Santorum out of the race, my show would be shorter anyway.

Romney:  "My pal, Rick, and I exchanged thoughts about going forward and he no longer believes that I am the worst Republican since Nixon and Harding combined."

I'd like to see Santorum be Romney's running mate, combining the Mormon and Catholic cultures with Pope Benedict celebrating a special on Brigham Young's birthday.

Hey, Democrats -- stop picking on Ann Romnney.    Do you really want to anger millionaire stay-at--home moms picketing the White House?  (Actually, they would send their nannies.)

When Bill Clinton was president Secret Service agents never went to a brothel -- except in the line of duty.

If Romney kills Obamacare, wouldn't that be infanticide?

As the Trayvon Martin case becomes political, notice that not one person who demanded to see Obama's birth certificate is demanding to see George Zimmerman's broken nose.

Republican unity will come about when Gingrich and Santorum's Romney-bashing magically vanishes and becomes the next Etch-a-Sketch joke.

Until then, Santorum will plod on.  His schedule includes cutting the ribbon at a Planned Parenthood closing.

Advice to Mitt:  Just relax and be one of your selves.

Newt is fading.  His bullhorn is now all bull and no horn.

It was obvious that Roberts, Alito and Scalia agreed with the opponents of Obamacare -- as did Silent Clarence Thomas who blinked in agreement.

Beware of swing Justice Anthony Kennedy who has been known to drive with his left signal on and then turn right.

Putin proposes a new Russian National Anthem:  "The Way We Were".

If Bonnie and Clyde had been pursued by the Sanford, Florida Police Department, the couple would have died of old age.

John Wilkes Booth would have spent his last days in a retirement home in Boca Raton.

Lee Harvey Oswald would have wound up tending bar in Argentina.

If Aleve worked as fast as the Sanford, Florida Police Department half the country would be calling in sick with a migraine.

 

New Orleans devastated by Saints coach suspension.  FEMA rescue underway.  

Romney's integrity disappears on Etch-a-Sketch. 

Jeb Bush's to do list:  take suit to cleaners, get a haircut, buy dental floss, endorse Romney ...

Finally, the campaign gets serious.  Rick Santorum says that as president he would outlaw pornography.  Followed by masturbation on Day Two.

As a desperate, last resort ploy, Romney could say:  "Vote for me or I'll baptise you a Mormon when you are dead."

We started losing wars when our enemies didn't wear uniforms.  When the enemy and the civilian look alike, the soldier in uniform must flip a coin before pulling the trigger.

No war is worth fighting unless the enemy wears a uniform, the battle lines are clean and the mission is undisputed and the president is Roosevelt.

 

Having come in second in Alabama and Mississippi, newt delivers another victory speech.  One of hi big ideas is that he won.

Santorum beats Romney in the South.  Romney admits that cheesy grits give him gas.

Now it's on to Louisiana.  Brace yourselves for Mitt's new mantra, "I love gumbo."

Sarah Palin wants to debate Obama.  Which one, Sarah -- Sasha or Malia?

 

Every day on the radio, a new and practical use of duct tape comes to mind:  putting it over Rush Limbaugh's mouth.

Americans have settled on two choices in dealing with the high gas prices -- drill, baby, drill or blame, baby, blame.

Tornado hits Branson, Missouri.  Among the missing are Snooky Lanson, Anita Bryant and two of the McGuire Sisters.

President Obama points out that none of the Republican candidates is Commander-in-Chief.  Even atheists are saying "thank God."