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Oh dear.  The stars on generals' shoulders may indicate the number of their mistresses.

It must be written somewhere in the Constitution that if you are caught in a sex scandal you had better be president of the United States and not a general.

With the final election results in, the president gets a phone call: 
"Mr. President, General Petraeus is on the line."

"Oh good.  He probably wants to congratulate me!  General good to talk to you.  (long silence) You what? Your biographer?  Is that what the army calls them?  The Democrats use to call them interns."

"I assume your biographer left out a chapter.  Eleven."

"The good news is that this takes attention away from Benghazi and I can nominate Susan Rice to be CIA director."

First came the Hurricane Sandy
Then the president's victory handy.
Then Republican rage
But all was upstaged
When Petraeus turned out to be randy.
Though Petraeus had been clean as a whistle
From the CIA came his dismissal
What was the excuse?
The unauthorized use
Of the General's heat seeking missle.

Following his victory, Obama went to church.  Jeremiah Wright said, "welcome home."

As we approach the automatic budget cuts, it is no coincidence that the word sequestration rhymes with castration.

Because Obama got 16 million Hispanic votes, Republicans are saying that Romney's running mate should have been Senator Marco Rubio.  So, are we a different country?

 

 

Full disclosure (baring of the soul).  I voted for Romney.   All I can say is that the less I knew about him, the more I liked him.

But, as a registered independent in Royal Blue Washington, DC, my vote and $300 will buy a balcony seat for "The Book of Mormon" on Broadway.

Considering that I live in a DC neighborhood where George McGovern stickers can still be spotted on the occasional Volvo -- if my neighbors knew that I voted for Romney, they would burn a peace sign on my lawn.

Why did I vote for Romney?  So I could do these lines when Obama won. 

All anti-government campaign speeches have been cancelled.

As the blue states in the Northeast are devastated, is there any doubt that Sandy is a Republican?

The good news is that the storm hit before the massive budget cuts kick in.

Otherwise, people calling Washington for federal help would hear a recording:  "Good luck with making your own sandbags."

New Jersey governor Chris Christie could use himself as a retaining wall.

 

 

True quote from Sandra Day O'Connor upon retiring from the Supreme Court:  "My party is ruining this country."

And that was before her party stepped in the latest cow pie and then frantically tried to disown the idea that God is fine with a rape-induced pregnancy.

That little piece of sacrilegious nonsense is not in the party platform, although, it must have been deleted in a very close vote.

None of our crackpot theologians know whom God favors in this election, but how could she possibly be an undecided voter?

"Today, our navy only has as many ships as it had in 1917." Mitt Romney

There will be a musical salute to Mitt Romney from the deck of the battleship, USS Maine featuring Al Jolson and Sophie Tucker.

Romney pledges to work with General Pershing to bring our doughboys home from France.

The candidate will release a final campaign film -- "War Horse".

His last ditch rallying cry:  "Fix bayonets!"

President Obama explained that we now have things called aircraft carriers that airplanes can land on and also big bombs that go kaboom.

 

Great debate last night at Hofstra.  Obama is off Quaaludes and Romney hit the ground dodging.

I keep hoping that Romney will surprise us by matching his answers to the questions 

The two candidates are absolutely tied in a dead heat.  Romney won't tell us what he will do in his first term and Obama won't tell us what he will do in his second.   Perfect match!  

What we need is Bill Clinton for a third term 

I don't know who I'm worried about the most -- the undecided voter or the undecided candidates.  They seem made for each other.  

 

So these two Irishmen walk into a debate -- Old Joe and Preppy Paul. They sit down and Old Joe says, "ah kid, yer full of malarkey, as my dear old grandmother used to say, God bless her. Bartender give us two more drinks over here. The laddie needs some truth serum on the rocks. Ha ha -- hey kid, you know what else is funny? You are with your malarkey -- sittin' there with all the answers and thinkin' you can do my job. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, that's a laugh! Barkeep -- two more shots of malarkey over here and make mine a double."

The first presidential debate gave the American people a clear choice as to which candidate has the leadership capability to stand up to Jim Lehrer.


One thing is clear, if Mitt Romney is elected, by this time next year Big Bird will be on food stamps.


In the debate, Romney surprised everyone and revealed some specifics.  Obviously the audience had top secret clearance.


Following Obama's performance, the pundits at MSNBC were calmly expressing their disappointment by setting themselves on fire.


As it turned out, it wasn't Romney's job to worry about whether Obama would bring up the 47 percent.


And we thought it was Michelle who goes to bed at 9:00.