On the 10th anniversary of the start of the Iraq war, Washington declared war on the American people.

Pick your villians.  Obama is the father of the bastard child, Sequester and Boehner and McConnell are the midwives.

Members of Congress had said that they would have to be crazy to allow sequester to pass.  Not so crazy when they exempted themselves from the pain.  We elected them -- so who is crazy?

Conservatives on the Supreme Court trust the southern states to uphold the Voting Rights Act without Washington supervision.  Court liberals do not trust the southern states because they voted for Romney.

Justice Scalia described the Voting Rights Act as "an entitlement" for African-Americans.  Clarence Thomas thanked "Massa" Scalia and brought him a mint julep.

European restaurant truth in advertising:  Spaghetti and horseballs.

The Defense department is like baseball.  the Republicans have already put Chuck Hagel on the disabled list.

Academy Awards fallout:  Best Anti-Semitic Teddy Bear Impersonation of Mel Gibson.  The Oscar goes to "Ted".

Dear Seth MacFarlane:  Loved the John Wilkes Booth joke -- LOL! (signed) John Hinckley.

This surgical thing, sequestration
Cuts the heart right out of the nation.
Doctors Simpson and Bowles
Have counter proposed:
A no anesthesia castration.

Come March 1st, get under your bed
The lights in our homes will go dead.
Our streets, unprotected
Our meat, uninspected
Congress hiding with bags on their heads.

The police will be home and unpaid
Teachers, the same, I'm afraid.
Air controllers not there
Pilots turning to prayer
All sanity further delayed.

In theory these cuts were invented
Never to be implemented.
What's coming this session?
Oh goody, Depression
To allow it, they must be demented.

To add to this, all I can say
Happy tax cut and have a nice day!
First, the good news. There will be a Tea Party rally aboard a Carnival cruise.

As the pope prepares to resign, I like to think of it as a Hail Mary pass.

Any resignation brings to mind, Richard Nixon. Although in Benedict's case, I hope they don't find a smoking nun.

I'm rooting for that African cardinal. Too bad he has enemies spreading rumors that he was born in Hawaii.

Opposition to Chuck Hagel continues -- like Lindsay Graham's sneaking suspicion that when Hagel was in seventh grade, he was making paid speeches in North Korea and Saudi Arabia.

Do you suppose Lindsay Graham has a little statue of Joseph McCarthy on the dashboard of his bulldozer?
That Justice Department memo indicates progress in the war against terrorists. Every time they kill an American -- we kill an American.

Republican response:  at least we only tortured foreigners.

The American citizens that Obama targeted weren't exactly Eagle Scouts. There are no Merit Badges for IED making.

The bones of King Richard III have been positively identified by the curvature of his spine.  Perhaps in 600 years, Queen Elizabeth II will be identified by the purse attached to her hand.
Power failure in New Orleans for a half hour? Big deal. We once had a power failure in Washington that lasted four years. It was called the Carter Administration.

When I was a young boy in Catholic school, we would have had to go to confession after watching Beyonce's half-time show.

Baseball plays it safer -- at least at Yankee Stadium where the currently dead Kate Smith sings "God Bless America".

Stand by for the bipartisan McCain-Menendez immigration bill stipulating that we keep McCain and deport Menendez.

The inventor of Etch-a-Sketch has died. Either that or he disappeared.

What the hosts of Fox & Friends want to know:  How did Hillary get a concussion?  Where is the scar?  Was she pushed? Was the pusher acting alone?

Judging by the film, Mrs. Clinton fell at such an angle that there would have to have been another pusher shoving from the opposite direction from a grassy knoll.

The Fox hosts are curious that the attending physicians are strangely silent on whether Hillary fell, was pushed, or was hypnotised to believe that she fell.

Fox News is not satisfied with a Xerox copy of the medical report.  Perhaps the original is hidden away with Romney's tax returns, Obama's birth certificate and Steve Doocy's journalism degree from Sears.

Women in combat?  I surrender.  Women have excelled in combat for years. I give you Hillary Clinton.  

On her way to the Democratic nomination, Hillary already won the Benghazi Primary.

As the NRA prepares teachers for armed combat, we must include parochial schools:  Nuns with Guns.  

I will defend my Second Amendment right to use my musket to defend my Third Amendment right to never, ever allow a British soldier to live in my house. 
Chuck Hagel will make history at his confirmation hearing when he becomes the first cabinet nominee carrying shrapnel that sets off the metal detector.

War wounds are not enough to satisfy Hagel's Republican multi-deferment opponents. Being an Obama nominee cancels out Hagel's two Purple Hearts. War is hell and politics is worse.

The hearings will be conducted fairly -- if you don't count the water and the board.

Hagel's other "sin" is that he once referred to Israel supporters as "the Jewish Lobby". What else would you call them -- the Knights of Columbus?

January 9 is the 100th birthday of a Republican who definitely would have supported Chuck Hagel were he not dead.  Happy Birthday, Richard Nixon. You're looking better every day.
Here's what went down:  At midnight, New Year's Eve, Butch McConnell and the Sundance Biden almost jumped off the fiscal cliff like in the movie. But instead they compromised and kicked a can and Grover Norquist over the edge.

Why did the American people have to suffer months of agonizing suspense? Why couldn't Biden and McConnell have gotten together a long time ago? Because it took time for Joe to figure out a way to make Senator McConnell likeable -- a daunting task, indeed.

By 1:00 am, they raised taxes on millionaires. The Democrats could not resist piling on Mitt Romney one more time. By 2:00 am the senators were so tired they forgot to raise their own pay. That's not tired -- that's comatose.

With time running out, the Senate bill went over to the House. As the nation held its breath the House first took up the Drywall Safety Bill!

In the end, the Senate bill passed the House. After months of plowing through this fiscal manure pile, they found no pony -- only an estimated $137 reduction of the $4 trillion deficit.

Since it was still New Years. the members joined in singing Auld Lang Syne:  "For old acquaintance be forgot -- let's shake hands and just be friends. Till we meet again in two more months and scare the people once again."