Republicans owe it to the country to narrow the field down to Christie and Trump. We deserve dueling gasbags for rollicking mid-summer amusement.

Dare we dream of Donald Trump one day becoming Ambassador to Mexico?

Following it's investigation, the FBI has concluded that white churches in the South are fireproof.

I admire the pope. Too bad the Republicans don't have one.

Pope Francis's encyclical on the environment answers to a higher power: Al Gore.

Guy goes to confession and says, "Father I had three children from three extra-marital affairs.  And I don't recycle."
The priest says, "my son, it is never too late to recycle."

Donald Trump's announcement is good news for America. When he's that full of himself he could explode -- an unlimited source of natural gas without fracking.

Let's assume, just for the moment, that the election will narrow down to Jeb vs Hillary. Hillary, the wife of Bill, who beat her opponent's father, George HW. She would run against the man whose brother, George W beat her husband's vice president, Al Gore. The election was determined by a disputed vote count in Florida whose governor was Jeb.

And they say Europeans are incestuous.

Hot New Democratic candidate, Lincoln Chafee would be better named Coolidge Chafee. He proposes adopting the metric system. Fear not, he doesn't have a half-kilogram of a chance.

Lindsay Graham says as president his White House would have "revolving" First Ladies for whom we can assume he would have absolutely no sexual attraction.  We have seen this before.

Let's be fair and say that Dennis Hastert is a good man. His favorite charity is The High School Wrestling Protection Fund.
How many Republican candidates are there now -- 36? All are positioning themselves to defeat Hillary. In 2016? No, in 2020.

The latest to throw his dunce cap into the ring: Rick Perry. He wears his emotions on his sleeve, along with the names of the cabinet departments he would shut down.

When Jeb Bush officially announces, his milking of the campaign cash cow will be limited. The longer Jeb waits, the more exhausted that poor cow gets.

Wow. $2 billion in social security checks were mailed to former Nazis living in the U.S. Will the checks stop when they die? Probably not. 

The TSA missed 78 out of 80 guns, knives and explosives carried on to planes. Your suspicion is correct. You are the only one who sets off the metal detector.
With George (Who?) Pataki's announcement for the presidency, campaign 2016 is finally taking shape. Pataki has an excellent shot at being President Carly Fiorina's Secretary of HUD.

Kudos to Rand Paul for admitting that he is a tree hugger. This, however, caused a steep decline of Republican Paul huggers.

And this from Rand Paul's new book "I Compost". It takes guts for a Republican to confess being openly environmentalist. Especially when consensual composting is still an abomination in the Bible Belt.

Another direct quote from Paul: "The Republican brand sucks." This is known as a gaffe. A gaffe is when a politician speaks the truth out loud by mistake.

This gaffe also makes it possible for Rand Paul to make history as the first Republican to be Keynote speaker at Democratic convention.

How about AG Loretta Lynch ordering a raid on that soccer executive committee meeting in Switzerland? No Navy Seals, no loss of life -- goal!

The committee is charged with wire fraud, racketeering, money laundering and disturbing Switzerland.

Don't those soccer officials know the rules of the game? You are not allowed to touch the bribe with your hands.

Why this sudden focus on the unethical side of soccer? Because pro football season doesn't start for three more months.

So sad. As the great game of soccer is deflated, Tom Brady said, "it wasn't me".

As Ireland prepares to vote on same sex marriages, I have this hunch that there are no straight leprechauns.

And what about Ireland's political party Sinn Fey?

Then, there's that beautiful old Irish song, "I'll Take You Home Again Eugene".

How much influence will the Catholic Church have on the referendum? Depends on how many priests come out. To vote, that is.

Congressman Jason Chaffetz asks, "what does it take to get fired from the Secret Service?" Here's a Top Ten list:

10) If, during an Inauguration, an agent wrestled the Chief Justice to the ground.
9) If an agent goes to work without his seeing eye dog.
8) If an agent needs a designated driver while going to a party.
7) if an agent ever used the president as a shield.
6) if his nickname in high school was "butthead".
5) if, when faced with a problem, the agent asked himself, "What would Laurel & Hardy do?"
4) If an agent ever paid a prostitute with his class ring from West Point.
3) If the agent was ever ejected from his church choir for singing, "99 bottles of beer on the wall".
2) if the agent ever returned fire at a 21-gun salute.
1) if the agent was ever caught listening to iTunes on his earpiece.