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In Parkland, Florida, the good guy with the gun froze. As did the FBI.

While arming teachers, don't forget the Catholic schools. #NunsWithGuns. They could disarm a shooter with a ruler.

I know, it's not funny. Neither is a president who needs a written reminder to say, "I hear you" to students.

Question: Why did Trump make Paul Manafort his campaign chairman? Because he wanted the best deadbeat he could find.

The 2020 presidential campaign is sure starting early -- the Russians are already in New Hampshire.
Yes, it is a mental health issue. Therapists are needed to treat the chronic addition to NRA money by members of Congress.

Hashtag Me Too is growing. I am forming Hashtag Me Neither.

If I was an Olympic half pipe snow boarder, I wouldn't even talk to the curling "athletes".

If we are such a Christian nation, why doesn't love thy neighbor apply to Dreamers? Sad.
Upstaged by Memomania is Brenda Fitzgerald who purchased tobacco stock while she was director of the Centers for Disease Control.

She obviously passed the Trump vetting process where conflict of interest is a requirement.

Warning: Heavy smoking can cause tobacco stocks to go up.

Fitzgerald has left her job to spend more time with her children, Philip, Morris and her husband, Paul Mall.
You heard the president's speech. So repeat after me: I pledge allegiance to the coal of the united state of West Virginia.

He wants to end the war on beautiful, clean coal but no sanctions against ugly, dirty Russia.

And we must destroy those evil gangs, MS-13 and the FBI.

After calling for prison reform, Trump got a thank you note from Paul Manafort.

There were two ignored elephants in the room: Russia and Stormy Daniels.
White House physician, Dr. Ronny Jackson gave Trump a clean bill of physical and mental health. Or, as it is called in medical circles: Fake diagnosis.

No, I am not a doctor. Nor would I go to one named Ronny.

Paul Manafort's trial has been delayed until September which gives him more time to spend with the Russians.

The government could shut down at midnight on Friday. As they say in Hawaii, this is not a drill.

In the last minute scramble, how come nobody suggested paying for the beautiful wall with a going out of business sale?

Disregard that salacious allegation regarding Trump and a porn star. Perhaps she was being vetted to be the Senate chaplain.
Postal clerks report that young people don’t know where a stamp goes on an envelope or how to address an envelope. They might ask, “What’s an envelope?”

Bitcoin is reported to be a convenience for ultra right-wing extremists. Today, perhaps Judas would betray Jesus for 30 pieces of Bitcoin.

The Trump Administration is rolling back the Obama-era rule against killing migratory birds. Make the bald eagle dead again.

Now, a corporation can use its tax cut to put up more power lines with a warning to the birds: If you can read this, you're too close.
In the words of one of Roy Moore's lawyers: "Oy Vey!"

There was Moore in defeat quoting the Bible. I thought he would have a meltdown like Frederick March in "Inherit the Wind".

Speaking of the Bible, if there is a recount guess who will be praying that Roy loses -- the Republicans.

Let's mix a batch of metaphors: Mr. Jones goes to Washington disguised as Little Red Riding Hood, walking through the swamp only to be accosted by the Big Bad Schumer.
Here is how the looming tax bill will benefit all you lucky ones in the middle class; eliminating the estate tax -- a big break for middle class folks who live in estates.

Cutting taxes of the one percent. Again, the middle class benefits if your rich uncle takes you to lunch. See if the cooked books are on the menu.

Eliminating the medical deduction would give the middle class the satisfaction that they got sick and died for their country.

Love that Republican trickle-down theory as the middle class gets trickled on.
Franken resigns. Sad. Trump remains. Sick.

We should applaud the banning of Russia from the Winter Olympics. Doping Donald Trump during the 2016 race was a crime.

If our president attends the Games in South Korea, he should be required to pee in a bottle.

Moving the American Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem -- what's that all about? It's about being close to the future Trump Dome of the Rock Hotel.
Why is the Al Franken situation different? Because I say it is.

Speaking of which -- since Clarence Thomas never speaks why doesn't he write an apology to Anita Hill?

What the tax bill's old trickle-down theory means to me: I will still have to get up in the middle of the night.

Old Zimbabwe joke: "If Mugabe was elephant, his head make nice trophy."