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Philly, Day One:

A well-balanced ticket. Crooked Hillary and Citizen Kane.

I never expected to hear chants of "lock her up" at a Democratic Convention. They were referring to Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

Ya see, Democratic Headquarters had been bugged. By the Russians. And who was the chief bugger? G. Gordon Liddski.

The bugging revealed that Schultz and the DNC (Democratic National Conspirators) rigged the election toward Hillary. Which infuriated Bernie's running mate, Sarah Silverman.

Which provoked more chants - "It's not too late to send him money. Bernie Sanders, 2020!"