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Cleveland, Day One:

Rudy Guliani missed his distemper shot.

In the words of Melania Trump: "Donald and I met when he was teaching law at the University of Chicago."

Cleveland, Day Two:

The glassy-eyed mob shouts "guilty" to Chris Christie's anti-Hillary harangue. Christie is caught plagiarizing Pontius Pilate.

Cleveland, Day Three:

After being booed, Ted Cruz was so mad, he may shut down the government -- again.

Veep hopeful, Mike Pence to the rescue. Trump is so wild, they had to put a governor on him.