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  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen
  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen

A Few More Notes from Mark Russell

So, okay. Retirement was fine. For two years. I traveled. I read books. It was fun.

Fifty years ago I promised myself that I would retire on the day that I would be required to write a song about trans-vaginal ultrasounds.  I decided to unretire when I heard that member of Congress had been cavorting in the Sea of Galilee. How can you make that up?

So, I'm back to work. Shortly a schedule of public shows will be listed. Also a list of PBS Stations that we know will be carrying a 30-year retrospective of my work, entitled "Mark Russell's America" during October and/or November. As they say, you should check your local listings or call your local station for the date and time.

We'll continue to update the website.  We're still trying to figure out getting songs up. But we're working on it.
Thanks for asking about me and thanks for all the kind messages about my retirement. You will all get a personal response. It just might take a bit longer than I would like.

Oh, and one more thing.  Don't forget to vote -- if only to keep political humor alive!

A Note from Mark:

In 2010 I decided to stop performing.    I had a show upcoming in July of that year, in one of my favorite venues, the Amphitheatre at Chautauqua Institution, and thought it would be a fine place to end 60 years of nearly non-stop performing and traveling.    

It turned out to be a perfect night.   My children and grandchildren who are scattered across the United States were in attendance, some of the grandchildren seeing me for the first time.    They may still not understand what I did, but at least they saw me do it.   A number of close friends, who were in the know that this would be my final show, also made the trek north from Washington, DC to Chautauqua, NY to join in this final evening.Read More

Latest Jokes

The new year is going well for John Boehner (sarcasm, mine). First he survived a Tea Party coup to overthrow him. Then a bartender in Ohio threatened to poison him. Boehner already has Secret Service protection, so you know he's in danger.

Republicans in Congress delayed their anti-abortion bill until they can agree on what rape is. I can think of 35 women in the news who could fill them in.

If Mitt Romney runs for president yet again, his religion could once more be an issue -- the Church of Latter Day Losers.

Our planet is but a speck of dust rotating around a minor star in a remote corner of an obscure galaxy in a universe that is 20 billion years old. Ponder this and tell me if the air in a football is important.

President Obama's State of the Union address had a clear theme: The Democrats won the midterm election.

As Biden and the Democrats performed the festive rite of bobbing up and down, Boehner and the Republicans had to send out for more glue to put on their seats.

Practically nothing could bring John Boehner to his feet -- calls for equal pay for women, curing cancer, child care or sick leave. This old dog was trained by the Tea Party: "Sit".

Delivering the Republican response, freshman senator Joni Ernst channeled Charles Dickens as she recalled having to wear bread bags on her feet as a child. This was the only comedy relief of the entire evening.

Earlier in the day, wiser council came from Rome when Pope Francis admonished Catholics to "stop breeding like rabbits". In Ireland alone, thousands of women and rabbits said, "now he tells us."

They may revert to the Vatican-approved birth control: two Saint Joseph aspirin between the knees.

 

The last time I saw Paris, the city was in shock.

With all the world leaders there. But wait -- where was Barak?

He could have sent Joe Biden. Uncle Joe would be a hit.

Right-wingers went ballistic and Fox News was in a snit.

 

We could have sent the Clintons there to pay respects to all

we could have sent John Kerry there, he's more French than Charles de Gaulle.

 

One more strike against  Obama, at Fox a daily scene

As those morning Marie Antoinettes send him to the guillotine.

Brand spanking new Congress, Week One: Mitch McConnell tells the arriving freshmen not to be "scary". He didn't rule out creepy.

Defying a sacred tradition, McConnell notifies the members that they will be working five days a week!  Watch for casual Benghazi Investigation Fridays.

Speaker John Boehner was quick to punish members of the failed coup to overthrow him. The assigned parking places of the traitors were relocated to Virginia and their perks were surgically removed.

Senator Lindsay Graham blames President Obama for the Paris newspaper massacre. Which I believe is an impeachable offense -- committed by Graham.

The opening Bipartisan Good Fellowship Congressional luncheon had to be postponed. The food tasters had a scheduling conflict.

I'm working on a Broadway show about Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush, but I'm stuck for a title. How about "New Faces of 1990"?

Obviously, Jeb must cope with the dynasty factor, having been born a Bush. Just what we need -- another president with a problem birth certificate.

But if you don't think that a man can succeed his own brother as president -- I give you Cuba.

Who would Jeb Bush's vice president be? I don't know. Does Dick Cheney have a brother?

Another possible candidate is Ted Cruz, the dark horse of the apocalypse. I saw him on Capitol Hill the other day, walking his pet werewolf.

 

 

Boehner's Choice: Which colleague to save -- the one who spoke at a quasi Klan rally or the tax evader who threatened to throw a reporter off of a roof?

I thought John Boehner would save Balcony Man, Congressman Michael Grimm as a reward for his colorful media relations but I was wrong. Boehner threw Grimm off the balcony or under the bus, pick your imagery.

Boehner supported Klan Man Congressman Steve Scalise on the grounds that the problem speech took place years ago when Scalise was young and naïve. When he saw the audience wearing white sheets he thought it was a masquerade party.

Thus ended 2014, as John Boehner warned the incoming freshmen: If you're going to screw up, make sure it's only flirting with white supremacy.

 

Why cozy up to Cuba? The CIA needs new black sites for future interrogations.

Will Congress approve lifting the Cuban embargo? Depends on the number of Republican cigar smokers.

The deal permits tourists to bring home $100 worth of tobacco products. That's about four Cuban cigars.

What was the pope's involvement in the deal? He heard Fidel's confession which included missing Mass for fifty years and the firing squads.

Dare we dream that one day, thanks to us, human rights in Cuba will be equal to that of China? Why not? And while you're dreaming, how about an Oscar for "The Interview"?

Did Ted Cruz mind when compared to Joseph McCarthy? No. Or when he was compared to Machiavelli? No. But when Cruz was recently compared to Elizabeth Warren, he almost had a heart attack. If he had a heart.

Apparently the only way a spending bill could prevent a government shutdown would be to take marijuana away from DC, the District of Cannabis.

The bill bestowed a heap of holiday goodies on the banks -- "A Christmas Carol" in reverse. Tiny Tim gives a fat turkey to Ebenezer Scrooge.

"Fi on you Wall Street cronies!" cried Elizabeth Warren as Hillary, watching on TV said, "Are you talkin' to me?"

We learned from the bill that compromise is vastly overrated.

The Senate Intelligence Committee report on torture is 6000 pages long, soon to be a six-part series on HBO.

The 6000 pages are just the declassified part. We can only imagine what is still classified: the water used in the waterboarding is equal to the approximate gallons of water in Lake Superior.

Khalil Sheik Mohammed was forced to eat a razor blade sandwich while listening to the albums of "American Idol" losers.

Dianne Feinstein scolded that the torture is "a stain on our values and history." Not only that -- it's a barnacle on the Ship of State. An ink blot on the Declaration of Independence. A locust in the amber waves of grain, etc.

When we barbecued 80,000 citizens of Hiroshima in a minute and a half, President Harry Truman didn't say, "that's not who we are."

 

NFL to Ray Rice: Come back, all is forgiven. You know what they say - time heals all of a fiancés wounds.

Egyptian court declares Hosni Mubarak not guilty. His lawyer had charged police bias against dictators.

Chuck Hagel's shall we say -- termination -- was impressive. The 21-gun salute was nice, but did they have to blindfold him?

John Boehner says the American people still have questions about Benghazi. That horse is dead.  Our question is why must you keep kicking it?