• Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen
  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen

A Few More Notes from Mark Russell

So, okay. Retirement was fine. For two years. I traveled. I read books. It was fun.

Fifty years ago I promised myself that I would retire on the day that I would be required to write a song about trans-vaginal ultrasounds.  I decided to unretire when I heard that member of Congress had been cavorting in the Sea of Galilee. How can you make that up?

So, I'm back to work. Shortly a schedule of public shows will be listed. Also a list of PBS Stations that we know will be carrying a 30-year retrospective of my work, entitled "Mark Russell's America" during October and/or November. As they say, you should check your local listings or call your local station for the date and time.

We'll continue to update the website.  We're still trying to figure out getting songs up. But we're working on it.
Thanks for asking about me and thanks for all the kind messages about my retirement. You will all get a personal response. It just might take a bit longer than I would like.

Oh, and one more thing.  Don't forget to vote -- if only to keep political humor alive!

A Note from Mark:

In 2010 I decided to stop performing.    I had a show upcoming in July of that year, in one of my favorite venues, the Amphitheatre at Chautauqua Institution, and thought it would be a fine place to end 60 years of nearly non-stop performing and traveling.    

It turned out to be a perfect night.   My children and grandchildren who are scattered across the United States were in attendance, some of the grandchildren seeing me for the first time.    They may still not understand what I did, but at least they saw me do it.   A number of close friends, who were in the know that this would be my final show, also made the trek north from Washington, DC to Chautauqua, NY to join in this final evening.Read More

Latest Jokes

"Too bad that Navy Seal William McCraven didn't kill Osama bin Laden a lot sooner" says Trump.

"And why didn't General Eisenhower conduct the invasion of Normandy on December 8, the day after Pearl Harbor?"

"And don't tell me that General Ulysses S Grant couldn't have whipped the South if he had been sober."

"And the way -- what was the point of Napoleon saving France when North Korea was much more needy?"

"Attila the Hun? Weak?"
The Catholic Bishops Conference Schedule:
Day One -- Prayers
Day Two -- Thoughts
Day Three -- Hope
Day Four -- Washing of Hands

How the Democrats will pursue presidential oversight and infrastructure at the same time:  construct a safe and sturdy gallows.

What we learned from World War I: World War II had more songs.

Big change at the Justice Department under Matthew Whitaker. They are putting the word justice in quotes.

The FBI probe will be limited in scope. Yeah -- just like the time Trump told Comey to east up on Michael Flynn.

The probe will focus on Kavanaugh's Georgetown Prep buddy, Mark Judge, and whether the two Catholic lads went to Confession on July 2, 1982.

How many brewskies are too many? Enough to provided you with this alibi: "Too busy throwing up on the day of the crime."

The probe will wind up in a week which gives the bomb disposal unit time to defuse Lindsay Graham.

 Kavanaugh received a five word message from Clarence Thomas: "Hang in. This shall pass."

Reporters have found Brett Kavanaugh'a high school yearbook. He was named "Most Likely to Forget What Happened at the Party".

There is no rush. The Republicans look forward to hearing Dr. Ford's complete testimony after Kavanaugh is confirmed.

Who better to interrogate Dr. Ford than Republican senators who believe she should have telephoned the FBI during the alleged assault.

One possible result of this story: In 2020, Hawaii Senator Mazie Hirono will throw her lei into the ring. I'm crazy for Mazie.

Is "don't monkey up this election" racist? Yes. Especially if you offer your opponent a banana.

Regarding Paul Manafort: you have to hand it to Trump for picking a campaign manager with a college degree in witness tampering.

American citizens are having trouble reentering the US from Mexico. Their perfect English makes them suspect.

Andrew Cuomo's primary opponent, Cynthia Nixon, is unqualified to be governor of New York. Not one of her cronies is in prison.

Trying to follow the Paul Manafort trial is like playing chess after drinking four straight shots of vodka.

Key witness and varsity plea-bargainer, Rick Gates, confessed to committing crimes with Manafort, while also stealing from him -- or robbing Peter to rob Paul.

Gates pleaded guilty to wiring money from Cypress to Great Britain and to the US without paying taxes. There may have been money laundries in Ukraine, Rangoon, Oz and Ivanka's purse.

This is like watching a bad contortionist stuck in the lotus position.

Manafort is charged with fraud, conspiracy and being Donald Trump's campaign manager.

There is a bipartisan group of House members called the Problem Solvers Caucus. what have they solved? That's the problem.

So far, the early line of Democratic presidential hopefuls would provoke Fox News to rejoice and cry, "Yes!"

This group includes Elizabeth Warren whose nomination would emit a "yes!" from Fox. They would pounce on her with that unfortunate "Pocahontas" smear -- the "lock her up" of 2020.

Unfair? Sure, but this is politics. If you want fairness, perhaps a nice game of croquet would suit you.

Another Democratic prospect is Senator Cory Booker of New Jersey. He is the former mayor of Newark and an African-American. Hashtag: too soon?

And of course, Uncle Joe Biden and Grandpa Bernie Sanders. Fox's reaction? "Assisted living."
In the indictment of the dirty dozen Russian hackers, no Americans are mentioned. Can Mueller not spell Papadopolous? Kushner?

The massive anti-Trump demonstrations in London resulted in arrests. Demonstrators were charged with impersonating Americans.

First, Trump criticized Prime Minister Theresa May. Then he praised her and then he criticized her. I understand that he regretted not having time to say hello to his good friend, Winston Churchill.

The Trump-Putin Summit: Trump thanks Putin for the election and Putin says, "what election?"

They go outside for the ceremonial shooting of reporters. Trump applauds.
Brett Kavanaugh for the Supreme Court? Antonin Scalia is gloating in his grave.

Kavanaugh would be the fifth Catholic justice. The non-Catholics ae Ginsberg, Kagen, Breyer, Roe and Wade.

Republicans, of course, are delighted with Trump's choice. When you are famous they let you do it.

Let you do what? Grab Lady Justice's pussy.
In Supreme Court decisions, Anthony Kennedy sometimes was one of the five and sometimes he was one of the four. He had a mood swing installed in his back yard.

Kennedy's record includes support of marriage equality and LGBT rights as well as gun rights and Trump's travel ban. Kennedy's bodyguard is a fully armed Gay Muslim.

Trump wants a new Justice before the November election and before Maxine Waters discovers where the Justice has dinner.

Prediction: Roe v Wade will not be overturned. Most of the 1972 Catholics are now Episcopalians.