• Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen
  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen

A Few More Notes from Mark Russell

So, okay. Retirement was fine. For two years. I traveled. I read books. It was fun.

Fifty years ago I promised myself that I would retire on the day that I would be required to write a song about trans-vaginal ultrasounds.  I decided to unretire when I heard that member of Congress had been cavorting in the Sea of Galilee. How can you make that up?

So, I'm back to work. Shortly a schedule of public shows will be listed. Also a list of PBS Stations that we know will be carrying a 30-year retrospective of my work, entitled "Mark Russell's America" during October and/or November. As they say, you should check your local listings or call your local station for the date and time.

We'll continue to update the website.  We're still trying to figure out getting songs up. But we're working on it.
Thanks for asking about me and thanks for all the kind messages about my retirement. You will all get a personal response. It just might take a bit longer than I would like.

Oh, and one more thing.  Don't forget to vote -- if only to keep political humor alive!

A Note from Mark:

In 2010 I decided to stop performing.    I had a show upcoming in July of that year, in one of my favorite venues, the Amphitheatre at Chautauqua Institution, and thought it would be a fine place to end 60 years of nearly non-stop performing and traveling.    

It turned out to be a perfect night.   My children and grandchildren who are scattered across the United States were in attendance, some of the grandchildren seeing me for the first time.    They may still not understand what I did, but at least they saw me do it.   A number of close friends, who were in the know that this would be my final show, also made the trek north from Washington, DC to Chautauqua, NY to join in this final evening.Read More

Latest Jokes

Stephen Colbert on CBS next year opposite Jimmy Fallon on NBC will be like an Asian student I the classroom raising the curve.

Watch what happens.  Colbert pretends to be conservative but the conservative audience will agree with him even though Colbert is faking. The same thing happened when Archie Bunker wound up being loved by bigots.

New Secret Service rule: Agents who are drunk and disorderly will be reassigned to rest and rehabilitation protecting Nancy Reagan.

Not one Republican House member voted for equal pay for women. You know how emotional women get with a pay increase.

This is an interesting Republican strategy to get the women's vote in November -- like opposing immigration reform to woo the Hispanics.

 

Welcome to the midterm election season sponsored by the Koch brothers and Sheldon Adelson, whose Vegas casino cashier window is always available to Republican candidates.

The presidential hopefuls recently made a pilgrimage to Adelson's convention of Jewish Republicans where the candidates were high rollers in the game of high stakes pandering.

Wisconsin Governor, Scott Walker sucked up to Adelson, claiming that he always has a menorah next to his Christmas tree. And Sarah Palin can see Jerusalem from her house.

The Supreme Court has doubled down on the Citizens United decision with a new and improved model, McCutcheon v Federal Election Commission, which makes it official: We are now the United States of Adelson and Koch.

 

Governor Chris Christie was found to have committed no wrong doing by the Governor's Commission to Find No Wrongdoing.

Because I live in Washington, DC, people ask me if I watch "House of Cards". I can tell you that the show is not authentic because it downplays the sleaze.

At his recent visit to the Vatican, President Obama asked Pope Francis for a miracle: "Make the Affordable Healthcare Act affordable."

 

 

In Crimea, a young man rushes into the house:  "Papa -- we are no longer in Ukraine. We are in Russia." And the father says, "thank God -- those winters were killing me."

See how Putin now relives the glory. The Russian bear is back, so give him room. Status quo in Russia? End of story. See Comrade Lenin smiling in his tomb.

Bulletin! Malaysia airline update! The transponder is still missing and the Blitzer is still speculating.

In what city could the mayor possibly be reelected and indicted on the same day? Hint: The city is named after one of our greatest presidents and it ain't Lincoln, Nebraska.

Attention able bodied men: Consider a career as an officer in the United States Army where sexual harassment is both a crime and a privilege.

 

Senator Dianne Feinstein, chairman of the Committee that oversees the CIA, charges that the CIA is spying on the Senate. Which is what happens when two mirrors face each other.

What do you call it when anyone spies on Congrss? Overdue.

Obama recently pitched his healthcare plan on a comedy show. The best example of pure logic I can think of.

Once again, Arizona abstained from resetting its clocks for Daylight Savings Time. "Don't try shoving clock control down our throats," said a local resident, "Clocks don't kill time, people kill time."

Once again, on Monday, we celebrate St Patrick who drove the snakes out of Ireland. Or was it lawyers? Whatever. 

I feel like Rip Van Winkle waking from his 20 year nap. He picks up the paper and reads: "Russian Military Takeover".  I guess the Cuban missile crisis is next week.

I'm reminded of the old Cold War word, detente. It was said that detente with Russia is like going to a wife-swapping party and coming home alone 

How does Mad Vlad Putin invade a country for a trumped up, contrived reason. That's our job.

The Conservative Political Action Committee just wound up it's annual meeting. It ended when they ran out of mud to sling.

C-PAC is represented by the firm of Barnum, Bailey, Larry, Moe & Curley.  

And the Oscar goes to "12 Years a Slave" now running on the Nostalgia Channel in Mississippi.

Seems like only last week when the plan was to move our troops out of Afghanistan and send them to Arizona to escort Gays into restricted restaurants.

The issue was about protecting proprietors' religious freedom to discriminate against people.

Arizona Governor Brewer vetoed the measure on her own religious grounds, lest she offend the church of the NFL.

The army is to be reduced to its size in 1940. Good thing we are chummy with tranquil Russia.

Oh, right -- Ukraine. Obama warns Putin that there will be "costs". Translation: Go ahead, Putin, make my day. If you think I'm bluffing, ask Syria.

Prediction: By week's end, the Republicans will be blaming the Ukraine crisis on Obamacare.

 

How's this for a travel poster: Come visit Ukraine. It's not as bad as Syria. True, but Ukraine as potential.

President Obama is "weighing his options" regarding the hell that is Syria. Weighing options has replaced drawing red lines which is so last year.

I suppose Obama could be honest and say, "there is nothing we can do" but that would sound too much like Boehner's hand-washing statement on immigration reform.

The victims in Syria need help from someone but it won't be us. Lately we only do wrong wars.

Add Syria and Ukraine to that long list of countries most people can't find on a map. Nobody they know will be drafted and deployed there.

Bow your heads for the Reverend Jamie Coots who went to his heavenly reward after being bitten by a snake during the traditional snake-handling rite at his church in Kentucky.  So much for the separation of church and snake.

To Coots' Kentucky brethren, I would say -- worship a wafer, it's a helluva lot safer.

More and more liberals are calling themselves progressives. But if it walks like a duck, etc. It's like having a sex change operation but your friends still recognize you when the wig keeps slipping.

An auto plant in Chattanooga rejected union membership, thereby squandering Chattanooga's chance to be the new Detroit. Who needs unions when your average robot won't be striking for higher wages and free dental?

"We are not going to pass immigration reform because Obama won't enforce it," says John Boehner. Obviously they want a Republican president to enforce it.

Several of Obama's newly appointed ambassadors seem clueless about their designated country. Recommended reading for one: "Norway for Dummies".

The new envoy to Argentina seems to have done his research by listening to the cast album of "Evita".

And what about the border dispute between Hungary and Bolivia? A qualified nominee knows that this is a trick question.

Surprise! The new ambassadors to Norway, Argentina and Hungary raised gazillions for Obama's campaigns. And how much does it cost to get Paris or Rome? Let's just say more than Kabul or Islamabad.